change is yet to come

Art creates a magical bond between creation & viewer. This has become more apparent to me the past few months as I am re-reading a book that I ready last year and didn’t like. This year, I feel drawn to its mystery and feel connected to its words. How much can change in a year.

Sometimes I think it’s funny how all media can affect us at different points in our lives. I think of how songs or albums carry an era with them. I think of the first time I saw Dali’s paintings in-person. I think of visiting The David. They each mean different things to each of us based on our original experience or knowledge of them –that is the era they represent to us.

One example is the band Vampire Weekend. I had only heard a few of their songs, but in preparation for a road trip, I bought their only two albums and listened to them on-repeat during the 28 hour drive to Arizona. From the snowy mountains to the lengthy Californian plains at 5 am, those albums became a symbol to me of independence and adventure. When I heard one of those songs now, I sense a brief glimpse of how it felt to be alone, to witness the colors and the snow, the heat of Joshua Tree, the gasping cold of Bryce Canyon, all in the same trip.

So here I am, re-reading My Bright Abyss, and I don’t even know who I was when I read it the first time. I know that a lot around me has changed since then, but it’s strange to think how much has changed within. So much that I now better appreciate chapters and verses that I did not like or did not understand before.

What does it mean to grow & change around something that is unchanging?

Maybe that is what it means to be in relationship with God. We are always told that he does not change: his ways and promises are constant. It can be so hard to believe, especially when I think about how shifty I am as a person, but I am not God. Far from it. Change as a human is a must: if we do not change, there is no growth. And what purpose is there without growth, learning, challenge? Maybe this is the perspective of my naïve youth; it seems many real adults I talk to are totally content with doing nothing and ending learning and avoiding challenge. Why?

I guess I’ve always been afraid of change, but it’s one thing that I have been learning to jump into because without change, we will never be able to better our situations. Sad? Change something. Maybe not that straight-forward, but it’s the concept here.

In thinking about the book and how much just one year has affected my outlook, it’s mesmerizing to think how different I am since Derek knew me. 99% of the people I see and/or interact with on a daily basis were not in my life 2 years ago. A year ago, I didn’t know this apartment existed; a year and a half ago, I didn’t know a puppy was born that would soon be my sweet puppy; two years ago, I didn’t know this city’s silhouette or that it was a thriving place where I could and would live. I won’t go back to before I moved to Seattle; it’s not necessary. It doesn’t take much time for everything to become the new normal.

If this is truly so, why do I still long for so much of my past? While the new is better than I would have dreamed, I still miss much and often long for the simplicity of the way things were.

And yet, I am glad that going back is not an option. I do not think that God ever intended us to be backward looking people. Believe in what is constant; adjust to what is shaping around us; look ever onward at what is yet to come.