Job Anxiety

It suddenly dawned on me this morning that October is almost over. October was my first full month of unemployment (I still had some school stuff going on through half of September). At this point, getting a job feels surreal, like something that will never happen. I'm so thankful to be finally getting calls about interviews, but even yesterday, as I toured through a potential workplace, it all felt so foreign; could this be a place that becomes familiar to my everyday? I hope so: still waiting for a phone call...

I think more about getting a job than anything else. I keep having the feeling like before I went to Italy--I knew that I was going to go, but I had no idea what it would be like, so I just tried to picture it in my head, and it never felt real until I was finally there. Currently, I'm still in the "will I ever actually get there" phase; I know that it will happen. I imagine going in to some building and being friendly with co-workers and being organized and on-task and busy. I really miss it. I remember talking at the end of last semester as I was first preparing to enter the work world.

"What will I do? Go to work? Come home and go to bed? I don't understand!" I'm so used to being that person who wants to take care of everything all at once and have everything impossibly under control. Well, I can at least say that I have been the complete opposite of that lately, and now I'm afraid to get back into it! I've been on overdrive for the past six years, blazing through education like it was just another thing to check off my to-do list. And God knows that I love to mark things off my lists.

So now I'm left wondering what some middle ground might look like, and I think that I'm on the right side for getting started; I can start from scratch and add pieces as I go. Hopefully.

I just need somewhere to actually start. In my interview yesterday, they were sounding so enthusiastic, and then one of the women said, "So this is your first work experience outside of college?" Yes, yes it is; please don't let that deter you! I am a hard worker! PLEASE! I really am at the point where I want to beg, but of course, I keep composed and ensure them that my experience in college shows my capability. Does college count for anything? Come on!

--SIGH--

I guess all that I can do is keep trying and hoping and praying that something will come through soon. There are a lot of temporary positions opening up also, with the holiday season approaching.

I think I can. I think I can. And yet, it feels out of my hands in many ways; I can only do so much.

Side note to Pennsylvania: Hopefully I don't run out of things to read in the meantime, given my limited supply of books since someone is holding my other books hostage, HINT HINT.
(I hope you can hear my tone, since it's kind of hard to determine through text, but you know me, so you know how I would say that, just as I can imagine your reply.)